Riding the Waves of Depression

When you experience depression, anxiety, or perhaps even biopolarism, feeling good can actually be a very scary experience, because you know there is going to be a low that comes with it. At this exact moment in my life I feel really good. I was brushing my teeth in the morning and I found myself thinking...

Okay, what are some contributing factors to me feeling this good?
I should remember them for the next low.

Then, all of a sudden I realized, this is 100% not how I ever used to experience "a high". After that, this series of thoughts unfolded:

How unfortunate is it to live in a world where we have this God like image of happiness? We talk about enlightenment and reaching a higher potential that feels like a dream. We envy people who seem to have it, we believe it doesn't exist, and in turn we're left feeling like shit, suffering through depression, holding on to anxiety, and how does society help? We're told that is both normal and not normal at the same time. Everyone experiences it, but you still need a pill to balance your brain chemistry and make you better. It's the ultimate catch 22. So how do you escape? How do you climb out? How do you help yourself, let alone help others? 

By this point, you've gotta know I'm not about that magic pill. In our modern day everyone wants the quick and easy solutions, no one wants to put in the work. Getting out of depression and anxiety and any other mental disorder is a process and it doesn't happen overnight, but you do have to be willing to show up every single day. Does this sound familiar? Yes, it's another part of practicing a conscious way of living and it can literally save your life. Here are some tips.

Recognize Patterns

Nowadays when I find myself teetering on the edge of depression/anxiety I tend to imagine myself literally balancing on the edge of a muddy cliff, about to fall into a pit that's really hard to get out of. In the past, I would just find myself there, but I also wouldn't even know it. No metaphor to insert, just there.  So for example, when I was brushing my teeth that morning, I was contemplating how good I felt and rather than feeling gloom over my head about the impending low I would no doubt be experiencing, I decided to shift my attention to what was working for me in these moments and embrace the feeling of goodness.

I personally came to realize that I have been eating well, incorporating movement into my life, listening to books or meditating, finding ways to release my mind of it's constant narration, I've been surrounding myself with good friends and actually getting social. These all play a huge contributing factor into my happiness. Remember, yours might look different, because you are different from me.

Where There are Highs, There are Lows

Something we don't hear about enough in life is that it freakin' ebb and flows. Like nature, like the rivers, the tides, the trees, the seasons - we are not meant to feel good 100% of the time. Our world thrives on oppositions. One of my favorite sayings that I've come to repeat to myself and my students frequently:

​Where there are highs, there are lows.
Where there are lows there are highs.
Remember, you are never ever alone in this journey.
We are all riding these waves of life together.
​You know​ this is how it flows.
​You know.

When You're in It, Let Yourself Be in It

The pitfall of this whole catch 22 and needing to reach happiness is that when we feel bad we do whatever we can to get out of that place. We moan and grown, feel awful, cry, sit on the coach paralyzed as heck, literally unable to do anything, yet all we want to be able to do is get away from our minds. The mind plays on and on, chatting at you, making up stories, calling you deeper into this depressive hell. You know what your mind doesn't expect? For you to say, Okay. I am here. The mind does not expect you to take some deep breaths, to tune into your physical body, to push the mind itself aside. 

Let me make this clear: You Do Not Have to Give into Your Mind

The mind is an endless blackhole that creates problems and tries to fix them. Getting out of your mind is what is going to help you the most. In times like this, if the narration is so loud that I cannot push it aside with meditation or focusing on my breath, I will play music. I will sing at the top of my lungs. Sometimes this compels me to dance around, sometimes this compels me to cry, and whatever comes up for me I allow myself to experience it. I don't try to push it away, I don't try to supress it, or analyze it. And when those moments are over, I recognize that I may not be entirely better, yet, I gave myself space to feel good for a moment and I know the more tiny little spaces I can give myself like that, the slowly I will come to feel better as a whole.

Other Things that Work for Me

Being social. 

Sometimes I just need to get out of my head and call a friend or ask someone to hang. If I'm feeling odd enough, I'll just go to a public place and walk around.

​Movement.

In times like these I do not feel like working out, at all. However, something as simple as a walk can really bring me back. Or I will seek out a restorative yoga class nearby and just force myself to go. Listening to someone else's voice to guide me through relaxing movement really takes me out of my own head.

Talk to Yourself.

Countless times I have found myself comforting myself. I reassure myself that I am going to be okay, that I'll get through this. That it's normal to experience these things. That it is not the end of the world. I hush the negative voice and only push through with positive reinforcement. If there is an animal nearby, I ask them for their advice and soak up their loves. I embrace their non-judgement and let them help me feel better. Whether it's an animal or just me talking to myself, there is no shame. If you are the one trapping yourself in your mind with dark thoughts, why can you not be the one who consciously and deliberately talks yourself out of it as well? This can be a great tool. 

Retreat into Nature.

It's not always an option to get out of town and go for a full blown hike. Especially if your depression and anxieties hit in the middle of a work week or consistently when you get home from that monotonous job. That walk I just mentioned could serve as your time in nature. It's just getting that fresh air on your skin and allowing yourself to soak in the beauty around you that can really flip a perspective. Sometimes, when I am in a bad mood, I will force myself to take a walk to the nearest park (even if it's cold outside) and sit on the bench until I notice all the wildlife going on around me. When I start to see squirrels bustling about and birds chirping, my mind starts thinking on the circle of life, and I am again reminded of the ebb and flow, and slowly but surely, it starts to bring me out.

Find What Works for YOU

My biggest advice, as it always comes back to, is find what works for you. When it comes to mental distress I HIGHLY recommend starting with adopting a real foods diet. Over time I have found this to be the number one factor that contributes to our chemistry being out of whack, because how can we expect things to flow properly when we are feeding our bodies with synthetic chemicals? If a real foods diet is too much to think about, then start with movement. My journey started through experiencing movement as a type of anti-depressant. Start to incorporate stress relieving techniques however they work for you. There is a plethora to choose from, but only you can determine what actually works for you, your body, and your mind.

​If I leave you with one thing, my friend, please do remember that you are not alone in this journey. I've been there myself, I still ebb and flow in and out. It's not about getting out and staying out, it's about bringing awareness to your surroundings, to your mind, so you can put all of your tips and tricks to good use when you see it coming or realize you're there. "Happiness" or "enlightenment" is not about never experiencing darkness. It's about being able to take life's extremely challenging obstacles as they come and not let them consume you.

Yes, you can.
It's a practice.
It's developing awareness.
Choose to show up.
​It starts with you.