Retreat Workin' 2017

Everyone has been asking me about my time in New York and usually I just say, it was life changing, it's beyond words, I highly enjoyed myself. It really was so good that I simply cannot put it into words, even doing so here, I still feel like I cannot convey the profound life changing experience that occurred. I know those are hefty words too and I'm not trying to throw them around lightly. I seek out profound life changing experiences in my life, so that part should come of no surprise. I do find it quite challenging to find exactly what little bit I want to include each time someone new asks me how my time on the east side was. Hopefully, this will give you a good taste. I truly am excited to share this with you and I hope you enjoy reading about it just as much!

If you don't know anything about this let me back it up. I've been working with my doctor for the past five years and I have often referred to him as my life guide. He suggested that I check out this place called Body Mind Restoration Retreats where he has worked and/or attended for the past decade. He knows my line of work, areas I may need my own healing done, and he also knows I'm interested in leading my own retreats. Check this place out, he told me cooly. Little did I know just how much this place would rest on my heart. I contacted them on behalf of my doctor and was told which dates I could arrive. When I chose a date the e-mail blasted back, Great! We pick up at the bus station or the airport, see you then! They gave me room to ask questions, but I tried to keep it minimal. All in all, I knew very little going in, but I liked it that way.

Arrival

First, I spent five days in Philly (yeah, I'll blog about that soon too) so I didn't fly straight into Ithaca. I took a long eight hour bus ride that ended up being a long twelve hour travel day. I have to laugh thinking about this, because I've traveled a lot now and still I forget that travel arrangements never go as planned. 

I had to switch buses at the Greyhound station in New York City. I didn't think anything of it, I knew the station would be huge, but I figured I'd find my way. At least I was still in the US and everyone speaks english. What I didn't realize is that it's five stories huge, with multiple levels underground. I was in there for three hours and never saw the light of day. At one point I got on Instagram and was asked if I wanted to check-in to New York Times Square. I was like, Oh snap! I'm here?!  
I missed my first connecting bus because I was told to connect at the wrong platform. When I rushed up to the fourth floor in a panic the ticket-guy calmly reassured me, Oh yeah, you missed that bus. Causing me to regurgitate a bunch of F words before finding my cool. He told me not to worry, another bus would taking off to the same destination in another hour and a half.

​I got to my correct spot, I sat on the ground with my bag, I took some deep breaths, some tears came to my eyes. It dawned on me suddenly that the whole fiasco had maybe fallen apart and pieced itself back together in no more than ten minutes. I reminded myself of being on the road two years ago, how much I used to love travel days, and how I just forgot this shit happens, and I'm totally fine. It made me laugh. Those tears didn't last long. The icing on the cake was how smoothly getting ahold of people at the retreat went. I sent an e-mail saying I had missed my connection and would be in later, then I received a phone call from a soft re-assuring voice, telling me someone would be at the bus station to pick me up, and from there I received updated text messages from one person or another until I arrived. 

When I got off the bus two girls that looked about my age were there to greet me. They didn't just greet me either, they looked ecstatic to see me and gave me huge warm hugs, like we'd long been friends and it had been years since we'd seen each other. What a homey feeling. 

The car ride from the bus station to the retreat was short and lovely. We talked about if I would be "doing the diet" (I didn't know I had an option not to, so I wasn't changing my mind now), if I had ever done enemas before (that word was completely foreign to me at that time and they didn't really go into detail), how I heard of the opportunity (my doctor), how long I was staying (four weeks). One of the girls had been working there the whole summer, the other was staying about two months and attended school in Ithaca. 

​I arrived on a night that was some people's first true time off for over a month. The owners had decided to take their own little vacation away from the center and the general managers were also out doing their own thing that night. I  walked into a kitchen full of giggly, smiling faces, 90s music cranked up, dancing, and more warm hugs. This was my comfort zone. I knew right away I was going to love this place. Everything felt close to the heart.

I was escorted to my bungalow, number 17. "Am I rooming with anyone?" I asked, "Oh, no, girl. You get your own space. We all get out own space. You'll want it when the retreats start up." Again, total awe. My own space?! With understanding, respect, and encouragement for needing and wanting to take time away for myself? Heck yeah! I got comfortable, I settled in and allowed myself to fall into complete wonder of being surrounded by a new and magical place.

It's the little things

The first night was challenging to adjust. I admittedly had my first ever sinus infection that was radiating down into my teeth and jaw and hurt so bad it had me laughing and crying because of the pain and kept me tossing and turning all night long.

(side note: I ended up treating myself, mostly in the aid of oregano  drops, though I did try to see a doctor, only on the advice I could be recommended to an herbalist, but the doctor got rained out on volunteer day and two days later my infection was gone.)

Of course, it can be challenging to adjust to new sleeping arrangement - the sounds are all different, the feel of the bed. By the second night my pain had eased and so had my mind, I slept much better.

I became totally engulfed in gratitude. I was thanking the sun for rising, my bungalow for holding my things, as well as a comfortable space for me. Every singe morning I woke up the greenery and fresh smells that surrounded me brought smiles to my face, but the morning I saw the first lotus flower bloom, I was literally brought to tears. I got into a morning habit of soaking everything in, getting tea, and walking around the beautiful flower beds. I was headed towards an orange-yellow rose when the lotus caught my eye and I bee-lined for it. I had never seen one up close. Yeah, I guess you could say I was pretty high on life. The utter simplicity of life. When you let your mind go and can truly immerse yourself in the beauty that surrounds you, it gets a little easier to let things slide off your back and be brought to your knees by the sheer gratitude of living. Everything else seems small and pointless in these moments.

I have stored these lessons away and try to keep them close to remember in times of need. 

The rock in the bottom left of this photo was the one I sat on every morning for my first few mornings. I would sip tea and enjoy the first breaks of morning sunlight. The first couple days I was so in awe of the lily pad flowers, the way they open, close, and move with the sun. The next day I was tickled, as I witnessed a beaver slowly make his way over each lily, one at a time, enjoying them as a morning snack. This stayed with me for days and kept bringing a smile back to my face.

My Jobs

The first few days were relaxing, quiet times. By about the third day, we got back to our six hour work days. Guests weren't arriving for another few days and we had to flip the grounds to get them ready for when they came. I knew there were tents, bungalows, and cabins guests had the option to stay in, but I did not know that there were at least four full sized houses on the sixty acres of property as well and that most guests stayed in these, either dormitory or roommate style. 

The first few days I got put on flipping rooms, which I loved. I've always had this weird thing where I've wanted to be a housekeeper. I love the feeling of putting good energy into a space so people can come, relax, and enjoy their time. 

Once the retreats started my duties included taking care of trash, compost, and recycling. Which was really neat, because the Center is set up on a sustainable system - to the best of their ability. So, it was cool seeing the food go from the garden, to the tables, to the compost, back to the garden. This job was especially fun because I got to scoot around on a little golf cart.

I was also dubbed the task of lighting the sauna's in the morning and periodically checking them throughout the day.  I was responsible for cleaning the yoga studio and stocking the bathrooms, I assisted in handy-man duties, and at one point was also on breakfast crew. Which, included making fresh green juice. 

As a staff member, I was required to work six hours per day, monitoring my own schedule. If I had extra time, I was expected to be honest and help others in need. Usually, this meant head to the garden and help with whatever was needed there. I loved this honor system. At least for myself and from what I saw in others, it worked quite well. Though there were the owners and a GM that guests could coordinate their desires and concerns with, there really was no feeling of "having a boss," or a hierarchy of any kind. It was refreshing and I feel as if I truly experienced that ol' saying, When you love what you do, it won't feel like work, in all it's glory.

We were also allowed (and encouraged) to participate in as many activities from the retreat that we desires, so long as our schedule left room for, and even if it didn't, one could easily trade with another to make it jive. Amenities included daily yoga and rebounding classes, meditation sits, various workshops/lectures from the owners themselves or an honored guest (many times, doctors), a wheatgrass shed, sauna time, swimming in the ponds, beautiful space to take a walk or go for a run, lounge chairs to flake out on, or any other activity you could dream up and wanted to pursue. My doctor told me going in they wanted you to work hard and rest harder. I think it's safe to say that is exactly what I got done.

New Experiences

Detoxing

I've never, ever "detoxed." Not intentionally. Now that I know a little about it I would definitely include nutritional resets as a type of detox. However, in this instance, I'm talking about your classic fasting protocols, purposefully leeching toxins from your body with the intention to flush them out and become an all around detoxed, individual. 

I worked two sets of retreats during my time in NY. I only detoxed my first retreat. Symptoms of detox include foggy headedness, emotional for no apparent reason, feeling tired, drained, fatigued. All of which I experienced. You can also experience allergic type symptoms, such as breaking out with acne, hives, rashes, etc.

All of these are completely normal in terms of a detox. The way detoxes work is that you are creating an environment for your body to pause and let go of lots of different things it has been holding on to. I think most commonly we think of this in terms of literal toxins built up in our systems that release, which is true. Yet, it also gives space for mental and emotional detoxification too.

The typical daily diet at this retreat consisted of fresh juice or breakfast shake in the morning, which was made up of mostly seeds. Lunch and dinner boasted a large beautiful salad with greens from the garden, energy soup ​(pictures above, green) and a third misc. item.

​Enemas

Like I said, I had never even heard of the word enema before my pick-up car ride to the retreat center. I still laugh about the phone call to my partner, saying,

​"They do enemas here. Do you know what that is?" 
Pause.
"Is that the butt thing?"
"Yeah."
Solid twenty second pause.
"Yup, so, anyway..."

​It was also funny to sit at opening circle, where the guests and staff gather to introduce themselves, and to see how many people had no idea enemas were even involved. Many confessed it would have changed their minds about coming in the first place.

Are you like me and wondering what the heck an enema is? Well, it's where you take a hospital bag and fill it with 1500cc's of water, you stick the tiny tube (see the picture above) 1-4 inches into your bum, and slowly release the water. It goes in and flushes everything out. When you feel like you have to go, get up, sit on the toilet, and let it out. 

I was skeptical myself, but I was not about to not participate in what seemed like an extremely important aspect to the detox. There was an entire lecture on this, where I learned just how the body releases toxins into the colon and enemas are designed to get in there and wash out all those nasty toxins before the body has a chance to absorb it all up again. Regardless of my skepticism, my first enema went over surprisingly well. Of course, having support from new friends that all talked like it was such a norm made it a lot more comfortable as well. We had the option for regular, wheatgrass, or coffee enemas. Pictured above is my coffee enema set up. I will blog about my enema experiences soon and answer more questions that I'm sure are swimming through your brain right now.

Connections beyond Words

There's something truly special about taking on experiences such as this. It really makes me reflect on the pure chance of our lives, the tiny moments and decisions that put us on the path to be in the same place and the same time to share these exact moments. It's another one of life's little beauties that we rarely stop to admire or notice. We just accept the here and now. Not the compilation.

​I met some really incredible people that I feel confident saying they will be life-long friends, even though I only so-far know them from this four week stint, even if we never get to hang like this again. Still, they'll always be in my heart and a part of my journey through growth.

I had a couple of deep epiphanies during this retreat.

One was what I learned about crying. How natural it is, how needed it is. Which shed light on just how much we are out of tune with ourselves and our emotions in our societies today. Especially our American society, I often here people joke or fear being too emotional. I don't believe there is such a thing. Feel all the things, because you are human and that is a unique part of our experience.

The second I honestly scare sharing, because I know not everyone will understand. But for those of you who will, because I know you're there, this is for you. During this retreat I feel as if I was able to capture full self acceptance. I felt as though I had truly fallen in love with myself for the first time. Even though I have been working on this for years, this place allowed me the space to see what imperfections or high standards I have still been holding over myself. Perhaps consciously, perhaps unconsciously, but it was again through tears and also through yoga that I experienced the total awe of truly loving me for me. Knowing that I am not perfect, but I am genuinely trying my best, and I am okay the way I am, right now. With and without all the titles I have accumulated over the years. Simply for being me. I don't know how many times I told myself I love you during this retreat, but I do know it wasn't enough to make up for the lifetime of disgust and bullying I have put myself through. This, I plan to keep close to heart. To continuously nurture and lift myself up, so I can stay strong in doing the same for others. There is absolutely nothing selfish in this act, I only hope you can see that.

Any space that allows me to feel completely happy and in pure delight of myself and my life will always hold a very special place within me for as long as I am able to remember. It also allows the space for me to feel pure delight and happiness towards the people I got to share it with. This essentially includes an entire giant blanket of non-judgement that I wrapped myself in for four weeks and through that I was able to experience ​love.

Love in the sense of life, not sexuality, not intimacy, not the family-kind of love - not anything in the sense that you think you know it, and I only say it that way because that's how I feel is best to describe it. I sure as hell didn't realize what it was until I was in it and now being out of it, it's still hard to grasp, hard to explain, yet I know I've experienced this in other places in my life, mostly in company with good friends.

It's love, without any judgement whatsoever for who you are or what you've done. Pure acceptance, if you will. That is plainly the best way to describe it.

Once I got through my first retreat, I struggled a bit with all the thoughts of how/what/when to eat. So I cut myself some slack. I bought groceries, I fried bacon, I ate ice-cream, cookies, and chocolate. Lots of chocolate. I learned more about my relationship with sugar, but, as usual for me, the overall learning experience was extremely gratifying. 

​Alone time and Self reflection

I often spent time to myself, as did many other people. I liked this perspective switch, as in our "normal" daily lives and society, we are not encouraged to take time for ourselves. It's all about doing your best to please others. We continuously put others first - work, family, partners - before we stop and allow time with and for ourselves. We've created this sense that we will not be loved if we do not succeed and success comes as a different definition to each of us. In that scenario, there is no end. You'll be constantly chasing "one day" or "when the time is right." Just a reminder: your time is now and your life is what you make it.

Some of my favorite things that I did alone was enjoy the thunder storms, give myself guidance card readings, go to the sauna, swim in the pond, go for a run, do an enema, take a nap, or just
​l o u n g e.

Ketogenics & Fasting

Though it is a raw vegan retreat, the owners have been studying ketogenics and intermittent fasting for three years. They are holding their first ever ketogenic retreat this year with sixty three guests attending, all returning guests, the majority doctors. Including mine. Everything I learned between ketogenics and intermittent fasting has be fascinated to say the very least. I've already delved through two whole books about it and will be experimenting on my self very soon! All the lectures I attended seemed to go hand in hand with everything I am currently learning as I'm studying to become a nutritional therapy practitioner, which also left me in awe and pumped me full of confidence to boldly step forth into my position in the natural medicine field of medicine.

The biggest passion that continues to emerge for me is the connection between our food choices, our mental health, and our perceived realities. More so, the remission of diseases such as cancer and neurological disorders, which hold a special place in my heart, as Parkinson's runs in my family. 

Throughout the retreat some of the cooks were playing with keto meals in preparation for the keto retreat. These were very decadent meals, as the owners want to get across that this can be a long-term lifestyle choice where you feel absolutely no deprivation whatsoever. Pictured here is a flax+almond flour crust pizza topped with seed pate and pesto. It was delicious!

Holding on and Moving Forward

Though I highly enjoyed my time at the retreat, I was also battling a pretty big fear. The fear of going back to live my life in the city of Portland, Oregon. How would I stay centered? How could I take everything I learned with me? I doubted the possibility of being stress free. However, I worked extremely hard to be realistic about how the turn of events would be once I left the retreat. Others assured me it is not as hard as it seems and of course the teachings woulds stay with me. Still, others shared experiences of longing to be back the whole time they were away over the last year. 

Ultimately, I know that everything in life is my choice. If there is one thing I re-learned and remembered during my time in New York, it is that life is so utterly, stupidly, down right disturbingly    simple. Don't get it confused with easy, because obviously it is anything but easy, yet the simplicity can still prevail, and that is my goal.

I walk away from this retreat with the readiness to serve my community, both local and online, from my heart.

I feel ready to lead workshops, retreats, and classes. To step into my important role, to spread the love and the knowledge, about the possibility that is within your grasp for true health and genuine happiness. 

​Love the Life you Live